The Disassociation Doctrine:

States that you are not your words, your thoughts, & you are responsible for your actions & can separate yourself from any & all identities & be a neutral observer to your actions & events.

A Doctrine of Freedom! Here is an exercise to practice: staying neutral. All my clients, & most of my friends are entrepreneurs, as I am, one of our biggest challenges is self-judgments.

The boss lives inside of us & can be more critical than necessary. Is criticism necessary? Isn’t it all just feedback? This exercise is in the “stick & stones may break my bones but words can never harm me” mode. It is designed to stretch your self & intended to be fun & fall into useful versus useless suffering mode.

I ‘m stupid & wrong! Stand in front of a mirror, full length if possible, & call yourself ‘stupid & wrong’ until you can say it without any emotions arising. Get good at calling yourself out. Exxxxxxaggggggerrrrrr8.

Taking an exercise to an extreme provides the best opportunity to learn. When you have the ‘I am stupid & wrong’ flattened, switch to the blamer role with “You are stupid & wrong.’

Have fun with the blame game, point & wag that finger, notice when you are pointing the finger at another, three are pointing back at you. Then divide your attention becoming the camera person & zoom in & zoom out on the lead actor, you.

Just watch, the intent is to be neutral to disassociate & allow you freedom from reaction. You are more than the role; you are the director, the star & audience.

With ‘neutrality’ as a tool it becomes possible to create Correction without invalidation. This is a corollary of stupid & wrong, perhaps an antidote. This requires more thought.

Again stand in front of a mirror & find fault with your image. “You’re too ____, again exxxxxaggggerate8 & offer correction without invalidating the person in the mirror. Phrases aimed at your self, such as, ‘You may,’ ‘Could you,’ ‘Notice that’, all neutral, judgment free, attention that points to making personal changes without pain.

“Gary, you may want to do some more editing before sending out this Church of Attention.” Or, “Could you find another way of saying that?” Or, “Notice your favorite jeans are shrinking again this holiday season.” Pain is such a catalyst for change, but not always necessary.

When I have the clarity & freedom from moments of embarrassment, discomfort even trauma & recall one of those times I wish would have gone differently & replay how it was I’, OK. Notice it happened, you survived, maybe even some humor occurs as you disassociate from that pain.

What you can do in your imagination, you can make real. You are more than your actions, more than your feelings; you can just watch & appreciate whatever happens. It’s called life.