3 Questions to Ask Yourself to Handle Resistance

One of the tools to handle the natural resistances we face, a prime cause of Seriousitis™, are the questions we ask ourselves, for example:

• What do I want?

• What’s another way to look at this?

• What am I learning?

The concept of questioning can be a deep probing tool, asking until there is no questions left to ask. Having the courage to see what is under that, And that, And that.

With this type of questions, going deeper, probing, I find a new to me word ‘probity’-a noun described as “integrity, uprightness and honesty”.  It is what you will find when you go for the core with courage and intent to align your beliefs.

The courage to go beyond the dreaded, “I don’t know.” We do know, and following the questions, the paths of what we know, and going past the fear of the unknown, beyond the fear of nothing (i.e. nothing to fear) our beliefs are aligned.

“Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’ doesn't make sense anymore.” -Rumi

The Disassociation Doctrine:

States that you are not your words, your thoughts, & you are responsible for your actions & can separate yourself from any & all identities & be a neutral observer to your actions & events.

A Doctrine of Freedom! Here is an exercise to practice: staying neutral. All my clients, & most of my friends are entrepreneurs, as I am, one of our biggest challenges is self-judgments.

The boss lives inside of us & can be more critical than necessary. Is criticism necessary? Isn’t it all just feedback? This exercise is in the “stick & stones may break my bones but words can never harm me” mode. It is designed to stretch your self & intended to be fun & fall into useful versus useless suffering mode.

I ‘m stupid & wrong! Stand in front of a mirror, full length if possible, & call yourself ‘stupid & wrong’ until you can say it without any emotions arising. Get good at calling yourself out. Exxxxxxaggggggerrrrrr8.

Taking an exercise to an extreme provides the best opportunity to learn. When you have the ‘I am stupid & wrong’ flattened, switch to the blamer role with “You are stupid & wrong.’

Have fun with the blame game, point & wag that finger, notice when you are pointing the finger at another, three are pointing back at you. Then divide your attention becoming the camera person & zoom in & zoom out on the lead actor, you.

Just watch, the intent is to be neutral to disassociate & allow you freedom from reaction. You are more than the role; you are the director, the star & audience.

With ‘neutrality’ as a tool it becomes possible to create Correction without invalidation. This is a corollary of stupid & wrong, perhaps an antidote. This requires more thought.

Again stand in front of a mirror & find fault with your image. “You’re too ____, again exxxxxaggggerate8 & offer correction without invalidating the person in the mirror. Phrases aimed at yourself, such as, ‘You may,’ ‘Could you,’ ‘Notice that’, all neutral, judgment free, attention that points to making personal changes without pain.

“Gary, you may want to do some more editing before sending out this Church of Attention.” Or, “Could you find another way of saying that?” Or, “Notice your favorite jeans are shrinking again this holiday season.” Pain is such a catalyst for change, but not always necessary.

When I have the clarity & freedom from moments of embarrassment, discomfort even trauma & recall one of those times I wish would have gone differently & replay how it was I’, OK. Notice it happened, you survived, maybe even some humor occurs as you disassociate from that pain.

What you can do in your imagination, you can make real. You are more than your actions, more than your feelings; you can just watch & appreciate whatever happens. It’s called life.

Listless

Aside(*) I am a curious wordsmith and love words with multiple and insightful meaning. Listlessness-an archaic word now replaced by the ever present nonsensical ‘whatever,’ with the Valley Girl accent. It is a buffer or shield that keeps joy out of the present, Yes

AND the word says more-it says a lack of a list.

Translated as not knowing what one wants AND not knowing what to believe AND not taking the action, AND not showing the courage to create life as you want. The solution (soul-it-on) to make a list. To take the next step list the HOW’s. “I want to finish my next book.’ HOW-writing on it daily. Editing what I have written. Read the writing aloud, AND with Aside-courage read it to an audience. (One is an audience).

A psychology professor at the University of Miami knew his students expected a terrifyingly long final exam. To play with their minds a little (what do you expect from a psychology professor?) he only put ONE question on the final exam.

He watched the reactions of the students as they all opened the exams and saw the one question. Initially they all looked relieved, but as the difficulty of the question began to sink in, those relieved faces sagged to confusion and consternation. All, that is, except for one student. He read the question, tapped his pencil into his palm a few times, then jotted something down on the test paper. He walked up to the professor, handed him the final, and walked out.

The professor blinked in surprise, looked at what the student wrote, and smiled. The professor wrote "100%" on the top of that student's test.

The question: What is courage?

The student's answer: This is.

“So long as we can laugh we are not completely under the domination of fear…to be able to laugh in time of danger is a sign of courage…deepening our feeling of self-worth and dignity.”

(*) Aside-To understand how to use the ASIDE when speaking Please see page 11 of How to Own the Stage.. Autographed copies are available-