Father's
The Sunday Morning Church of ATTENTION
Fathering
Whether your dad was one honored as a father of the year, a sperm donor, an absentee or abuser, being a father is a defining role. It is where our male half garners the archetype of masculinity.
What can and does a father contribute?
There is the safety & security of the nest.
Often he is the breadwinner, slayer of saber tooth tigers, bringer of buffalo burgers, teller of stories of the hunt. He can be a strong ‘can do’ archetype. He is the Father. The sower of the seed of life and I hope at least once, the apple of mom’s eye.
But biological fathers may only be a momentary dad; it is the man who raises the child that can be truly called a father. It is the outcome, the child that is today’s man of the hour. It is the man whose outcome is the loving, caring, child that determines a dad.
What influences can a father have? What’s happening Daddy-O? What ya got?
To be a father is a learned skill, so when I was to become a dad I asked a wise woman, Mrs. S, a combination grandma, Yoda, and teacher how. My wife and I were part of the new generation of hip parents. As a teacher Mrs. S had meeting with the new mothers, and I am sure she confided the Secrets of the Ages, the Gaia Transmissions, the Magic of Motherhood, Divine Secrets, Doses of Patience, Ancient Wisdom, Compassion along with diaper folding, breastfeeding, colic curing, lullabies, fairy tales, and quality insights into the Joys of Maternity while sharing a cup of tea with the newbie mom’s.
From Mrs. S the guys got a father must be god to the child.
Somehow, that was enough for me. That’s all I needed, or at least that was all I could handle. It was significant and vague enough to allow me not to be my dad, not to imitate anyone else’s dad, just be my son’s omnipresent dad.
God was my perfect role model. I would and did send my son the messages of his divineness from the evening I caught him at ten minutes to ten, October 12, 1972 to our last phone call. I love you son.
Now I did some hands on work. I did the naming. I knew a name was important. It was something I could do, a way of increasing my parental participation. I put some labor into the thought, and decided to carve his name on a board, a plank of weathered cedar. I had some considerations since I was not a carver, so a name with straight lines was important. Being a Smith, and with my father named Arthur, and wanting him to encompass the ‘All & Everything’ of life the idea of A.Z. Smith or better yet, Z.A. Smith, would be my first message as dad.
As a dad, the lessons are; support the mom, never make her wrong. Show that work is love made visible. Practice forgiveness. Always support the child’s choices, with an occasional here is an option. Let the child win. Let them know they can choose, decide, act and be rewarded. Share gratitude for life. Share gratitude for them and be ready for the day when your child says, Dad your going to be a GRANDFATHER.
It’s never too late to be a good dad and to thank a father.